


for both are infinite

by giftedsun



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hugs, Light Angst, M/M, angst???, chapter 61 au, i love these boys, major character death but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 08:23:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11893806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giftedsun/pseuds/giftedsun
Summary: It wasn’t supposed to end like this, he was always going to kill me, or I was going to kill him. The thing is, now, I’m realizing—I didn’t want to, because of this kissing thing, or the fact that we’ve been a team for the past weeks, but I didn’t want to. And I’m thinking that Baz didn’t want to kill me, either, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.





	for both are infinite

_ On love’s light wings! _

 

He kissed me. Or I kissed him. Either way, it was me, and Baz. Kissing. I wanted to kiss Baz, and I did. He kissed me back. Which, on the whole, isn’t as much of a surprise as it should’ve been. But now he’s gone, he has to be. After Baz spelled me away… there’s no way he could’ve survived those flames. He’s a vampire (he _ is _ ), and the flames….

 

I don’t know where the car is, but I can’t stop running, not with how Baz sacrificed himself (in his own flames, but still). So I run. I can’t stop, feet slipping on the snow, I can’t think about anything but  _ Baz _ and  _ I kissed him  _ and now he’s burning up. Hot tears slip down my cheeks, falling onto the front of my (his) jumper. My thoughts are building to a crescendo in my brain. I can’t hear anything but them, and the roar of the inferno behind me—

 

It wasn’t supposed to end like this, he was always going to kill me, or I was going to kill him. The thing is, now, I’m realizing—

 

I didn’t want to, because of this kissing thing, or the fact that we’ve been a team for the past weeks, but I didn’t want to. And I’m thinking that Baz didn’t want to kill me, either, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

 

He saved my life.

 

And now, the only thought in my head is, ‘ _ Oh shit, what will I tell the Grimm-Pitches?’ _ . Because of course they’ll think I killed him, like I was always supposed to. And didn’t I? Didn’t I at least contribute?

 

I could’ve saved him.

 

I didn’t try—

 

_ Baz is gone _ .

 

The grip around my wrist doesn’t register until—

 

“Snow!”

 

I whirl around, and he’s there. Like after the chimera; without even his eyebrows singed. Baz. It’s Baz. As I’ve always known him. Dark hair, loose around his face. Grey eyes, pinning me down.(though maybe in a different way than I’ve always thought?)

 

“Did you mean it?” He asks, and his grip on my wrist tightens. I’m too shocked to answer, it’s  _ Baz, here, alive. _ Baz. He tugs on my arm, but not roughly. “Come on, Snow, did you?” I almost ask what he’s talking about, and then I realize I’m an idiot.

 

“Of course, Baz,” I don’t know why I kissed him, but I did. And I wanted it.  _ I wanted it. _ “But, it’s Simon. Like you called me before.” He doesn’t reply, only starts to bend down to meet my lips. I place my other hand in front of my mouth. “Hold on, Baz, you  _ died! _ ”

 

He lets go of my wrist and sneers. Baz, who I watched burn up in that forest, _ sneers  _ at me. Cruel as he’s always been. It’s almost endearing to me, familiar. I thought I wouldn’t see it again.

 

“Well, it didn’t stick, evidently.”

 

Relief hits me, all at once. It’s sinking in now, the fact that Baz lived. I’m so glad. It’s now in this moment, that I know for sure. I won’t kill him, I can’t kill him. It would kill me. I’m never letting him go again, and I mean that both in a figurative and literal sense. I back away from him for a second, and his eyes widen. It takes me a moment to read the look on his face. I’ve never seen it before.

 

Baz looks scared. There are notes of panic and longing in his eyes. You wouldn’t even notice them unless you’ve studied him as I have. (That sounded really gay. Oh, Christ, am I gay now?) Baz looks almost hungry right now, but not viciously. Softly, like he wants to reach for me, but can’t. So he just stands there, looking so helpless. I want to console him, wipe the panic from his eyes. But I can’t. It’s too early, hasn’t even gotten started. Baz is still my sworn enemy, no matter the resolution I’ve come to.

 

I step closer to him again. The panic doesn’t fade from his eyes, and I think he’s scared of what I might say. Knowing that I have to the power to break Baz right now, with whatever I say… It’s scary. Not so much for me as it is for him, I’m sure, but—

 

I’m not good with words, at all. It’s part of why my magic is such shit. Spitting the words out is hard for me, and I stutter and blubber my way through life. But I don’t think I need words here. I didn’t need any words when I kissed Baz. I need to be brave. That’s always been my strong suit.

 

Swallowing my fear, I step forward, and wrap Baz in a hug.

 

To my surprise, he’s completely accepting of it. Baz doesn't shove me off or punch me, as I would've expected him to do yesterday. Instead, he's reciprocating almost immediately, after he recovers from his initial shock. Holding him is nice. I've never been this close to him. Baz is soft, where I’ve always thought he would be hard. Chiseled is one way to describe how I pictured him— if the word didn’t make me snort.

 

But he’s not. He's soft, and skinny, and his arms wrap around me. Capturing me, in the middle of this (hopefully-not-still-burning) forest. His chin rests on the top on my head, and I feel a wetness there, a few seconds later. Not rain, I realize. He's crying. Baz is crying on me. So much has changed, in these past, what, thirty minutes? It's almost unbelievable.

 

We stand there for a minute, and I feel so safe, so warm (hopefully the forest isn’t still burning) that I never want to let go. But I have to recognize that we need to talk, and we need to leave this forest. So I let go first, and that’s when I realize I’m crying.

 

Tears stream down my face as I point my index finger at Baz. “Don’t ever leave me like that again, asshole. Don’t! What were you thinking? You can’t just  _ do  _ that! Do you know how worried I was? Don’t do that ever again— and especially after—!”

 

Baz cuts me off with a kiss, and I melt into it. I wasn’t angry, per se, but any traces of outrage I still had slid away with the feeling of Baz’s mouth on mine. He’s not that good of a kisser— actually, I think I might be his first— but it’s Baz, and that makes all the difference. It’s not quite fire, with him, but more like magic. Like how going off feels, but in a more pleasant way. Like all the energy I have coils up into this one, shining place, behind my heart.

 

I break away after a second, and practically throw myself into his embrace again.

 

We'll have so much to face, once we get out of this forest. We're going to need to talk about these kisses, Baz trying to kill himself,  how he got out of the fire, what this all means. And, of course, there's still the Humdrum, and whoever killed Baz's mum to deal with. And the Mage, and the Old Families. There's so much shit we'll have to go through. But I'm sure now that we'll face it together.

 

And for now, I can stand here, in Baz's arms.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hi i love snowbaz and i'm always afraid of messing up their relationship when i write it but. here you go. i love them. also the title is from romeo and juliet because thats where the loves light wings spell is from!! anyways thanks for reading nd drop a kudos/comment down there if you like it i guess! all of them make me cry 100% so. pls


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